The State of Masculinity
Perspectives from the Margins
The moments when harm becomes visible, when accountability takes shape, or when healing and possibility come into view.
“We’re All Swimming In The Same Water Together”
Perspectives from the Margins on Masculinity’s Broader Impact
"Masculinity shapes far more than just the men in a room. It shapes the room itself."
– Community Organizer, mid-thirties
Across interviews with women, queer and trans people, and community partners, masculinity appears less as a personal identity and more as a shared environment. It's the water everyone swims in—felt before it's spoken, absorbed before it's noticed.
This chapter is unique in the State of Masculinity research. While previous sections center the voices of men navigating their own complexity, this chapter turns outward. It centers the people who observe and absorb masculinity's effects daily: the partners, colleagues, friends, and survivors who live inside the spaces that masculine culture creates.
What they report is consistent: masculinity isn't something you opt into or out of. It's the environment you navigate from the moment you enter certain spaces. And those who exist at the margins of that space—those not centered in its definitions—often have the clearest view of what it demands, what it harms, and what becomes possible when it changes.
Navigating Masculinity: Risk, Belonging, and Adaptation
"I learned how to scan a room before I learned how to relax in one. You're always clocking who has the power to change the temperature."
– Queer facilitator
The people at the margins describe a particular kind of labor: anticipatory. It's the ongoing work of monitoring risk, regulating emotion, and adapting behavior before anyone says anything overtly demanding. It shows up in conversations across the research:
"You start managing other people's emotions before you even realize that's what you're doing."
– Survivor advocate, reflecting on the emotional management required in mixed spaces
"You learn which versions of yourself are easier for a room to hold."
– Nonbinary interviewee
This is not a problem of individual men. It's a pattern of environments. Spaces that normalize dominance, that reward emotional suppression, that stay silent about accountability—these spaces require constant adaptation from anyone who doesn't fit their default mold. Over time, that adaptation becomes invisible. It becomes "just how things are."
The research shows that this anticipatory labor is particularly intense in spaces where there's ambiguity about safety. If a man's reaction is unpredictable—if anger surfaces suddenly, if jokes target a group you belong to, if accountability disappears when it matters—the mental bandwidth required to navigate that space increases exponentially. You have to stay alert. You have to read the room. You have to manage not just yourself, but everyone's comfort with your presence.
Harm and Prevention as Patterned Outcomes
"Most harm doesn't start with violence, but with patterns people are taught to ignore."
– Survivor Advocate
One of the most striking findings in the research: harm is rarely sudden. It emerges from patterns—patterns in how dominance is normalized, how entitlement is taught, how emotional suppression becomes a badge of honor, and how silence around accountability becomes a feature of loyalty.
The nonprofit leaders, advocates, and community organizers interviewed for this chapter have spent years working inside these systems. They understand the trajectory. They can trace how a boy who learns "real men don't ask for help" grows into a man who can't receive feedback. How a culture that celebrates toughness over vulnerability creates the conditions for harm. How the absence of accountability becomes permission.
"A lot of our work is making sure something worse never happens. When it works, nobody notices."
– Nonprofit leader, describing prevention work
Prevention, from this vantage point, isn't about intervention after the fact. It's about interrupting the patterns before they solidify. It's about creating environments where boys learn early that belonging doesn't require dominance. That strength includes asking for help. That accountability is something we walk through together, not something imposed from outside.
The A Call to Men prevention model reflects this understanding: care and accountability together. Not one or the other. Not "loving and strict." Not "tough but fair." Actual care for someone's growth, paired with actual accountability for their impact. The research suggests this is what young people actually need to learn—and what most environments currently fail to teach.
What People at the Margins Teach Us About Change
When you spend time listening to the people who live inside the effects of masculinity culture, certain truths become undeniable:
Masculinity is shaped by conditions, not character
How a boy learns to be a man is not a reflection of who he is as a person. It's a reflection of the messages he's been exposed to, the models he's seen, the environments he's navigated, and the feedback he's received. This is hopeful news. Conditions can change.
We must invest in prevention
Every expert working in harm prevention, survivor advocacy, and youth development agreed on this point: the best intervention is the one that happens before harm occurs. That means investing in the spaces where boys are learning—homes, schools, teams, workplaces—to make sure the lessons being taught create safety, not danger.
Accountability works best when practiced collectively
Individual guilt doesn't create change. What creates change is a community that knows how to hold itself accountable—where people can say "this wasn't okay" and be heard, where repair is possible, and where belonging isn't conditional on perfection.
When Masculinity Opens Up
"When masculinity opens up, everyone has more room."
– Program director
This is the simple truth that emerges from listening to people at the margins: opening up what "being a man" can mean doesn't diminish men. It expands the humanity of everyone in the room.
A man who learns he can cry is a man who can process grief. A man who learns to ask for help is a man who can build genuine connection. A man who learns that his worth isn't tied to dominance is a man who can actually relax in his own skin. A man who learns that accountability is an act of love is a man who can repair harm and stay in relationship through conflict.
And everyone around him—his partner, his children, his colleagues, his community—gets to take up more space too. Women don't have to manage his emotions. Young people don't have to absorb his fragility. Colleagues don't have to tiptoe around his defensiveness. Survivors don't have to carry the burden of not triggering him.
This is what change looks like from the margins: more room. More safety. More possibility for everyone.
Reflection Questions
As you think about the theme of expanded masculinity, consider:
What spaces do you navigate where you have to monitor risk or adapt your behavior? What would change if that space felt safer?
If you're not someone who directly experiences harm from masculine culture, what are you missing by not centering those voices? What do they see that you might not?
Where do you have the power to change the temperature in a room? What would it look like to use that power to open up, rather than close down?
What patterns of harm have you observed in your own community? What would it take to interrupt them before they escalate?
Who are the people at the margins in your life? What would it mean to actually listen to what they're teaching you?
Our Research
The stories in this chapter rest on solid research. Throughout 2025, we conducted deep, narrative-based research to understand how masculinity is learned and how it can be transformed.
These are not abstract numbers. Each one represents a conversation where a man made himself vulnerable enough to examine his own story. Each one is evidence of the possibility that men can look at where they come from and consciously choose who they want to become.
221
in-depth conversations with men, boys, and those who shape their lives
25+
years of violence prevention work informing this research
Next: Systems
The next chapter explores the four systems that shape masculinity most powerfully: Home, Education, Work, and Policy. In each, we'll look at where boys are learning what it means to be a man—and where we have the power to change that lesson.
The State of Masculinity
A CALL TO MEN
25 years of violence prevention, healthy manhood, and culture change.
To inquire about future collaborations, email us at info@acalltomen.org.